You know what makes me cry?

I'll tell you what makes me cry:

This entire past week was an emotional rollercoaster. I was tired. I was grumpy. It led to many moments of tears shed in my bathroom and soft sniffles as I sat at the edge of my bed.

My oldest son turned 13. We didn't have a big whoot-whoot birthday experience for him, but he did want to go out to dinner and he really enjoyed his new shoes and outfit (very practical). He hasn't gone through an obvious man-metamorphosis yet, but he has definitely outgrown that awkward pre-teen stage. (I observed it with him as his feet, teeth, arms, legs, and ego being too big for the rest of his body...the big ears, they'll never go away and I LOVE that!)

He still doesn't have armpit hair and I have yet to smell that deep robust aroma of cumin and onions coming from his armpits. He doesn't have pimples yet....Oh, wait. He had one. It made his dad teary-eyed, as if that was a sign of him becoming a man. I chalked it up to an excessive amount of french fries and other non-nutritions foods and a lack of showering.

He has man-sized discussions with us and uses man-sized vocabulary. When he questions a decision made, I have to give him a straight answer because "because I'm the mom" isn't enough. He's become much more social with people he doesn't know yet. He has shown great interest with the high school kids that he has interactions with. I don't even want to start with clothes, but they are obviously a HUGE deal.

I look forward to the teen years. I have much faith that he will travel the right path, and even with rocky roads, I pray that he will never be afraid to turn to us for help. It makes me cry because I have missed so many opportunities to enjoy him as a little boy. I cry because he makes me proud.

I also cry because I know that I still have 2 more boys that will eventually grow up and become men. They will break my heart, break my bank, break my belongings,... but I also look forward to all of the opportunities in which they will make me a proud mother too. I can't believe that I am raising boys to men. I guess I should have thought about that about 13 years ago when I started my journey...but it wasn't my plan. I really had little say in that.

I look forward to the day when I have all three of my men around me just enjoying our time together and laughing at the awkward moments of their pasts. I can't wait 'til the day when I can observe them as wonderful fathers and husbands just like their own dad and grandpas modeled for them.

But really, when it comes down to it....it's the PMS! It's the PMS that makes me want to cry ALL OF THE TIME!