100% + 100% = 100%

I know that you're thinking, Elaine is a math teacher and she put this equation up on her blog. It doesn't appear to be correct, but I'm going to read the blog because maybe it will make sense, in a wierd way. She has that knack for making sense of wierd things.

There isn't much in America that makes sense. Our language system and our metric system are all out of whack. See here, I just wrote 3 sentences with the words "knack" and "whack" and you are still following....because I made it make sense!

I'll set up the whole situation: I was having dinner with 2 friends from high school recently and one of the ladies posed a question to us other two that was something along the lines of "How do you make your marriage work?" or "How do you live with someone that long?" I can't remember the exact question, but this equation came to mind immediately. It's something that Jerrod and I have been working on for a couple of years ever since the failure rate of (50% + 50% = 100%) began to skyrocket.

The explanation: We began with divvying up responsibilities in the household. One takes out the trash and cleans the dishes, the other does the laundry and puts the kids to bed.... What happened was that when one of us was unable to complete his/her task, there would be dissappointment and then (mostly in my case) it would come down to grudge-holding, especially if I had to pick up the slack. For some couples, I am sure that this equation works out perfectly. For us....it just led to disasterous effects. Add some kids into the mix and the equation gets complicated. I don't even have an equation to explain, but I think I would most likely symbolize our boys as exponents or as repeating decimals or fractions (I hate those things in math! They make solving equations so difficult).

So, now we try our best to do what we can and count picking-up-slack as part of our chores. We will always have unknown variables. Soccer practice may go long. Jerrod may have a later night at the office. I may NEED to get away from these kids for the evening (and usually Jerrod can pick up on my signals quicker than I can and has to kick me out and tell me not to come home until the boys are asleep....it's his way of showing me he cares). The 100% equation is not fool-proof, but it has helped us to maintain a more peaceful and less-frustrated atmosphere. Our communication skills are getting better because we are learning to ask each other for help instead of expecting it. It really just is the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would want to be treated. I really don't want to be verbally slapped in the face because my day was long and I didn't have time to cook vegetables for dinner. Why would I do that to Jerrod? PMS, maybe...but there is no excuse for that type of behavior. It's much easier to just go to the pantry and open up a can of green beans. It also appears to be "helping" instead of "OMG, I can't believe that she forgot the vegetables again!"

Budget Craziness

It won't be long until I say "farewell" to my tiny income, dressing up/showering, and driving to work. I soon will embrace full-time motherhood. I've been a mother all along, but this will be different. It will consume my life and there will be no place to hide. At work I always had my desk and a nice 15 minute break. My days will be filled with laundry, dusting, and deep cleaning (all the fun stuff that was neglected when I worked a very full 13 hour work week). I will brush up on my cooking skills and prepare a nutritional dinner that consists mostly of non-bagged, non-frozen chunks of meat in uncanned sauce. I know that I'll be an awful "housewife" because I don't like to do any of that stuff. NO MOTIVATION!...but I'm a better fit for "soccer mom"/"mom-in-a-mini-van". I have to say that I look a lot better in my floral apron than hubby anyday too.

I can take care of my kids, but with the budget talks making their way to the dinner table far more frequently, I think I may lose my most dependent babysitter. Premium tv channels are on their way out. I stopped going to get my car hand washed last year and I am slowly making my way to Smart & Final more than Ralphs (sadly,they DON'T have the light-up freezer section. I will miss that). I actually yell at my kids now when I can't find the scissors to clip my coupons. I've even borrowed a stock pot from a friend to make a triple batch of split pea soup so I could freeze some for future meals (very light on the wallet). It is a lot of work to save money. It's been a few months since the last financial pie graph chat, but I am sure that it will break my heart once again.....it's for the family!

So with all of that said, here are a few crazy things that I thought a budget-friendly person might say to make "it" hurt less:

*It really was between the Mercedes and the Honda Fit, but I went with the Honda 'cuz it really is more economical.
*Nah, I'd rather wash my own car. I enjoy spending hours scraping the bird-do and dead bugs off of the grill. I also get to keep all the change that I find under the mats. BONUS!
*I'm practicing my organization and alphabetizing skills with my new accordian folder. Clipping coupons has really improved my cutting skills too.
*Yeah, really, the generic brand tastes just as good as the real thing!
*The kids really do LOVE Top Ramen and Mac and Cheese....for lunch everyday.
*I know that there are holes in my underwear/socks, but they are just sooo comfortable.
*I'm on a diet. I'll just eat the (free) chips and salsa/bread and butter with a glass of water and a lemon slice.
*Um, we save the ketchup packets and hot sauce for the kids school lunches. Less mess.
*What a deal! Those $.50 greeting cards. No one really cares about the card anyways.
*I HATE Walmart...but they are the only store that sells Low-Sugar Frosted Flakes...
*When the restaurant gives you 2 corn tortillas for each taco, it's like a 2-for-1, but they don't even know that they're doing it. (Like stealing candy from a baby!!...and ignorance IS bliss!)
*I just couldn't put the book down. I finished it overnight because it was so good....and I needed to return it to Barnes and Noble so someone else could enjoy it.
*We really enjoy sharing cooties and because we are in LOVE, we can sip from the same cup at any restaurant.

Embrace the budget!

Lucky 13

In essence, it wasn't really ever "luck". As we walked our way to the HB pier, hand-in-hand, Jerrod said something to me that really struck a chord. He said, "God loves humble beginnings." I think that anyone could further add to that by saying that God loves humble people. God loves all people, but maybe humble people are following His plans a little more closely. And as he said that to me, it gave me comfort. Maybe we are closer to God than we think. Maybe I am closer to God than I feel like I am on most days.

Jerrod and I did not begin our story as most couples do. After 13 years of marriage, I feel like I finally have a good sense of what kind of person Jerrod is and I am so thankful that God was ALWAYS looking out for me. We didn't really know each other all that well, and I think, that when you're 19 years old, you don't even know what kind of person you are anyways. It is easy to say that "it's all part of a plan", to which I DO believe it is, but it has always been more complex than "just a plan".

From humble beginnings we came, we struggled, we learned, we made mistakes. But through it all, we still strive to be humble people in our marriage, with our friends, at our jobs, etc. It's hard enough to humble yourself and to just listen to God speak in the quietness. It can be a difficult task to be humble and just listen to your spouse sometimes. If there is one thing that always saves our marriage from someone walking out the front door, it is humbleness.

My heart continues to grow for the man that I love day after day. He is a great teacher to my sons as well as to me. I observe him as he makes difficult decisions and I know that he strives so hard to be the man that God wants him to be. With that in mind, he is almost always patient, listening for God to speak to him. He is always studying/researching to follow the footprints of other Godly men. He is a humble man and is continually humbled by God.

If there is one thing that I can teach my sons, it would be that in meekness, comes strength. I see my sons grab my dumbells and pump some iron, but I'm not talking about that kind of strength (plus, 5 lbs probably won't get 'em very far). I'm speaking about the submissiveness to God's plans for their lives and relationships.

So, as I've said, it was never luck, it was always God and I trust that he will continue to bless my husband and me with valuable learning experiences, joy in time spent together, and passion for each other.

And just to add to the humbleness, I added a lovely picture of us at a medium size, instead of the small....'cuz I'm a 'lil stinker! (It was getting way too sappy in here for me)

Pray for Noah Huffman

Please click on the picture of this precious little girl if you are interested in seeing God's hands at work.

Lifesavers

I'm not thinking of the fruity-flavored roll of candies to which I would pick through and snatch only the cherry and pineapple. I'm thinking of those people/places/things that have really made getting through the day so much easier.

This morning was a blur. Busy, busy! But I finally got a chance to check my e-mail and in my box were 2 very meaningful and emotion-filled messages. One, pages long, but I still "breathed" in every word as I teared up staring at my computer screen. A college friend and his wife (to whom I had the pleasure of living with during my freshman year) are expecting their first baby any day now. Their daughter has a life-threatening heart condition, but their faith remains so solid. The other e-mail came from a dear friend that just lost her grandfather. The message was 4 words long, but still enough to make the tears in my eyes wet the keyboard.

I'd like to say that I "count my blessings" but at that moment, I felt the need to meditate and remember the "lifesavers" in my life. Here is my list that I've been working on, in no particular order (Just to add so I don't offend anyone else, this is NOT my list of most important things in my life, this is my list of what gets me through the day).

Lifesaver 1: My husband. The kiss that he plants on my lips every morning before he leaves for work is a reminder of just how much he loves me no matter what. He is my biggest fan and my best friend. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I just wish that he'd read my blog more often.

Lifesaver 2: My boys. Sure, they demand that I get out of my bed and feed them and they depend on my driving skills to get them to practice and Bible study. They are the truest reflection of me. In their actions, I can see my faults but also my successes as a parent. They are forgiving. They call me mom and that is the greatest job title that I've ever had.

Lifesaver 3: My running partners: At this point, the list is very small, but I am so greatful for the words of encouragement or the belly laugh that I get while exercising with my 2 buddies. I've become a much stronger person and have been able to get through a couple of tough situations with the support and compassion of these women.

Lifesaver 4: My parents, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law. Family is important, but it is so important to me to have people that I love within arm's reach, and not just for the babysitting. I can ALWAYS count on them for physical back-up (A broken-down car, an emergency with the boys, a night of fun, dinner that I don't have to cook....). Thank you!

Lifesaver 5: Funny as it seems to put here, but my middle son's teacher. At a time when I felt so down about the teaching profession, this woman had to inspire me and almost make me want to go back to teaching in public school....but no. I've seen so many wonderful things happen this year in my son's life and I owe much of that to his teacher. All-in-all, he is learning so many important skills dealing with work ethic, manners and politeness, setting goals,... It makes my job much easier. Yes, there really are teachers out there that care! Bravo Miss McLovin (he-he)!

Lifesaver 6: My treadmill. When I can't get out to burn off some steam, I do it on my stationary track. I put those earbuds in and I ignore the whimpering in the background and I just run. I've actually been working towards increasing my speed and at the push of a button, I can do that. I feel accomplished and sweaty at the end of a good 8 mile run. I feel empowered and ready for a nap at the same time. But I always shower first.

Lifesaver 7: Those friends and family members that share their journeys through life with me. The e-mails that I received really set my emotions going and I thank the authors for that. Friends that meet me for lunch/dinner, send me texts while I am working, call from their homes far away to check up on me, attend church with me, sit with me all afternoon on the soccer field...you know who you all are. Thank you to those friends that do feel comfortable enough to chat about life with me. You are the people that help me to build my integrity and help me to stay honest. I pray that I can be a beacon of light to you too and help you when you need a shoulder or a laugh.

Lifesaver 8: God. No explanation necessary.

Lifesaver 9: My home. It's very materialistic, but I am so happy at the end of a day to have a safe place to sleep at night. I like knowing that my boys know their way around town based upon the starting or ending point of our house. We add "beauty" to it by remodeling, but no matter how we decorate, it will always be the central meeting place. It will always be the place where we sit down together as a family and have dinner.

Lifesaver 10: Midol. I am dead serious.

Manwich

Last night Cayden made a comment to me. He told me that I should go out more often so he could have Manwich and tater tots. Oh, wouldn't I just love to cook up a batch of "man" food (sloppy-joes, chili dogs...pretty much anything that comes from a can and has a red-face-staining color to it) and just leave a few sporks on the table and head out the door with my keys.

I would love to say that I've worked so very hard on making sure that my children get the proper nutrition that they need to stay healthy, but last night, it was my mental health that needed to be restored. As a result, the kids and hubby dined on an increased amount of saturated fat and enjoyed every bit of it (...and the can says that you get 2 servings of vegetables).

What is it about "man food"? I just don't get it, but maybe that is because I am a woman. Even if it is an easy meal, I just don't think that I could sit down and genuinely pray to God and "thank" him for this meal that has been prepared. Wow! That is pretty selfish of me....to not be thankful to God for Manwich. Next time I am complaining of my state of starvation, I am sure that He will send down the Manwich until it comes out of my nasal passages. Lesson learned. Amen.

So Long to Nap Time

I love naps. I love to take them. I loved to put my boys down for them. It was like my small piece of heaven wrapped up in a day full of chaos. When I took/take them, I wouldn't have to worry about the craziness around me which often consisted of some form of fighting or loud electronic entertainment. It's become white noise to me now. I can nap through it all. When I'd put the boys down, it was a few hours of peace and freedom to do mindless, non-thinking activities like watch t.v. or play on the internet. Maybe even catch a nap of my own. My youngest, Rylan, has so sadly outgrown his naps. For 4-and-almost-one-half years he took them and hardly ever put up a fuss. He still needs them (so I tell myself), but he's become too difficult to convince. He's seen through all of my hidden agendas. We tried "meditation" and we tried resting-with-our-eyes-closed-but-not-sleeping We've even tried sit-on-the-bed-and-read-until-I-say-you-can-come-out-and-hopefully-you-will-pass-out-first. They've all worked once, but he's one smart, stubborn cookie.

So comes the end of an era of raising children who nap. It's a benchmark in any parents' lives. Now I must entertain my child for 2-3 more hours of the day. Now I must find my "me" time somewhere else....to which there is no other place that it will fit unless I stay up longer, but that is a BAD idea. You see these bags under my eyes already?????

I actually caught myself reminiscing about the glorious napping days of all of my boys. They were always such "good" nappers. Bryson loved to nap all day and then he'd be up all night. Once we fixed that, he would nap every day after lunch until he started school. Cayden was like clockwork. From the time he was a baby, his mission in life was to play hard, eat, and sleep. I could time his naps on a watch and it would be like deja vu every day. He was the most consistent of all. He still needs that extra sleep, but because he's in 4th grade, I think a nap would be frowned upon by his peers. He just goes to bed much earlier than....any other kid that I know.

Now my "baby" is preparing to enter kindergarten this coming fall. His eyes still roll to the back of his head and his lids get heavy as he answers "NO!" when I ask him if he's tired after his morning at preschool. He still stares into space as I snap and clap in his face and ask him if he needs a nap. Once he enters the house and I say the magic words, "Go potty and take your shoes off", he just looses it. I consider myself to be a pretty consistent mom, but I've weighed the options of fighting the stubborness and holding him down on his bed until he's done kicking and screaming at me or just letting him have some "quiet time" and then putting him to bed earlier. It seems that the less agressive turns out to be the least stressful. I have less time to do my "work" but I do get time that is quiet and I get a happy boy.

I, too, have made some improvements on my napping routine. I have been taking fewer naps during my days and I miraculously get more acomplished aound the house and I have more time to do my running. On most days I get 6-8 miles in. Yay! I'm not going to say that I am in a better mood, or that I don't snore now at night, because I've been told that I have been more consistent with my log sawing.

But unlike most of my blogs, I will end on a positive and uplifting note. I will consider myself a good mother for getting my boys through their preschool days well-rested. I'd even go as far as saying that I've gotten my boys to "enjoy" napping beyond the age of an average child-napper. That happened to be one of two great goals of mine as far as longevity. The other was breastfeeding...and would it be too much to tell you that my 4-and-almost-one-half-year-old son still asks me questions like "Member yesterday when I use to eat from your boobies?" (He's still working on time lapse, obviously....)