Consistency Sucks!

It's the key to discipline, I know....but sometimes it feels like I am the one receiving the punishment. 2 weeks ago when the decision was made regarding our oldest son's restrictions, I cringed in a major way. I was so proud of my husband for being stern and strong. I was even a little scared myself from the tone of his voice. So when he turned to me and said (asked), "You can make sure that he comes home right away and does his homework. No tv, games, friends, fun....." Well, there goes MY freedom. I can't use the tv as a babysitter or send him outside to play with the neighbor or even his brother. I have to make sure that my son is miserable.

OK. It's been easier than I thought. I believe that it's the teenage mentality, anyways. He's finally done better on his school work and is using his imagination more (to which he once claimed that he didn't have). We've found drips of paint on his carpet and all kinds of wierd concoctions in bowls left on the counter.

It did get worse though. The week before, he and his brother were left in the house as I went to run an errand with the little guy. I specifically told them NOT to play games and then as I slipped into my heaven (bed) that evening (ok, afternoon for my nap...it was suppose to be a short cat nap), I found a stylus (that pen-like thing for their hand-held games). I could no longer leave them alone because I couldn't trust them to obey what I asked of them. I take 3 boys with me everywhere now. It's not that I LOVE to go shopping with 3 boys who all want/don't want something to put into the shopping cart. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the grumbling that comes when I say, "Trader Joes!!!!!!"

This afternoon was THE BEST! I picked each kid up on my way to the doctor a half an hour away. The first complained that it would be "so boring" and the second was just whining about a hurt toe or something (self-inflicted bike injury caused by trying to stop the wheel with one's toe....duh!) The 3rd, well, he was great. He fell asleep with his head dangling to one side like he was going to choke himself and drool dripping down the side of his cheek. As if things couldn't get any more complicated, the doctor's office greeted my children with lemon water and cookies. That wouldn't be so bad, but one son can't eat butter cookies due to allergies so I hesitated, but the other 2 gave me those "I'm soooo hungry eyes and if you don't let me have just ONE cookie, I am going to complain until you say the words I know you REALLY want to say." We settled on a cookie each and the other had a piece of candy from their lovely cavity jar. The water was another mistake because the little guy took his cup and happily skipped to the beautiful, maroon, suede chair and even more happily, spilled the water into the back crease of the cushion. Now as I cleaned that up there was the issue with the bathroom, but if I keep going, you are going to think that I am incompetent and cannot control 3 boys at once. Well, it's the truth, but I've seen worse.....almost every day!

What a day! It's just not what I've gotten use to in the last year. My trips to the grocery store or the doctor's have become a mini vacation and in one month I've been reminded that in the world of parenting, there is no such thing as vacation. BooHoo!

What Am I? Your Maid?

I am a maid. I am my own maid. I do a crummy job, but I try to clean up after myself. I am not, though, my kids' maid. But for so long I have been acting like it and not treating messes as their responsiblity. So today I snapped...not like yelled and ripped my hair out, found lying on my floor in the fetal position with an empty bottle of wine on the counter....that was a different issue. Today it came more as a lightbulb switch...then in military-like style, came the orders. "Bryson: book, jacket, backpack. Cayden: chip bag, homework, socks.... Rylan: hamper top?" Whatever. He understood. As I spent 1:45 (1 hour: forty-five minutes) cleaning the gum stuck to the clothes dryer drum, I thought that this is TOTALLY unfair. I have my own mess to clean up, and now I'm cleaning this up and I didn't even cause it. I didn't leave the gum in my pockets and I wasn't the one who washed that particular load of laundry....because I'd check the pockets, but I'm just saying, not blaming. I am a parent. I am a mother and I should be respected as a mother. The kids never really complain about picking up their stuff, so why don't I tell them to just do it all the time? Good question. Well, maybe I'm a giver, but I don't think that I am. I don't like to clean up their stuff just for the "fun" of it or because I love them. I'd love them even if I didn't pick up their stuff. I've just become lazy and inconsistent with my discipline. So ask me how it's going in a week and I'll probably tell you that I am so sick of picking their stuff up. But ask me tomorrow and I'll tell you that it's the greatest thing, I tell them to clean up their stuff and they do it. It's like magic! I've learned....that "I am the mom and I lay down the law and for today, I want you to clean up all of your mess so I can do more important things like write about you on my blog".

Abandoned!

Yesterday: I remembered where my hidden box of truffles was, I got the kids to school on time, work wasn't too bad, Rylan went down for a nap without complaining, I squeezed in 6 miles on the tread, I successfully contacted 2 parents about their child's poor grades, I forgot to pick up my son at school....WHAT?!!! That doesn't fit! So, um, yeah, I forgot to pick him up....well, I didn't forget to, I was just 10 minutes late. It was obviously enough time for him to believe that I had abandoned him. I do feel terrible. I looked up at the microwave clock and realized that I was late. I grabbed Rylan and left the house without shoes and sweaty from my run. We drove up to the office and he came running out with tears in his eyes. He sadly mumbled, "You forgot about me." I started to cry and I had to pull the car over to give him a hug. Although he is in 4th grade, he is so small and helpless when it comes to emotional incidents like this. Am I the worst mom ever? I believe so. At least for yesterday. We got home and then he told me that he forgave me. Not that it made me feel any better, but I knew that he had recovered. That is when I started thinking about just how embarrassed I was. Not to him, but to the office staff at the school. I don't have a very good record with the office staff. Jerrod says it's no big deal, but I've gotten caught trying to smuggle my lil guy into the classroom to volunteer in Cayden's room. I knew that I wasn't allowed to, but tried to anyway. I upset the secretary when I came storming in after picking Cayden up as he was having an asthma attack. I wanted answers, but instead made a personal attack. That whole day is still a blur and I am still not so happy with the outcome, but I have learned to better prepare my son so he can take care of himself when others can't. It just seems that every time I enter that office, I "break the law". I don't intend to, but I do. Again, Jerrod says it's all in my mind, but I've worked in a public school and I know THE TRUTH!
But back to the issue at hand. I know that my son's feelings are important. I should make a better effort to be prompt so he will know that he is loved and cared for. I will be there on time today. I will not dwell on what I think the office staff thinks of me because, in the end, it's unimportant. So I am crazy...I already know that. There really is no use in trying to hide that fact. Good moms make mistakes....or in my case bad moms make bad mistakes.

Rennovation

3 days: 3 months:3 years: It's all the same in this house, as I am sure in many other homes. Remodeling is messy. It is stressful. It is full of anticipation and hopes of greatest desires fulfilled. It started with the cute, little, yellow Swiss-chalet house that was PERFECT. Eventually, it became, not so perfect. Mold in the walls, a slab leak in the kitchen, a crack in the shower.....Room by room we went, replacing walls and floors, carpet and cabinets. We are finally down to the last living space (unless you consider the bathroom a comfy place to spend time). Every one of our remodels started as a 3-day/week project. Many of our projects still remain unfinished. It is a way of life here in this household. Unfinished...but I'm okay with that. My home will never look like Martha Stewart's. I'll never be asked to have my home photographed for Better Homes and Gardens. I do though, take great pride in the fact that Jerrod and I have designed every remodel on our own and we have been pleased. I look forward to what will come of our living space. I look forward to the day when I can look from my living room sliding doors into my backyard and enjoy something other than dirt. We have great plans for this home. Besides, the kids get a kick out of seeing all of the destruction and chaos.

More Discipline

I had a terrorizing thought this morning as I sat at my desk at work e-mailing my dad on my phone during a break. I haven't taken my job seriously in a long time (3 years +) and have just done what I needed to do to keep my position. On occasion, I would go beyond my "call of duty" and tutor during lunch (which required me to stay beyond my paid hours) or have fun activities for the students. Now, it's just a job where efficiency is the bottom line.

My thought was so scary because last evening Jerrod and I had a long discussion with Bryson about school work. It isn't that he's failing or that he is even causing trouble. We have noticed that his priorities are not in the correct order and his grades are beginning to show it. Certainly a "B" on a report card would be considered above average for most, but when you know your son could do so much better if he just put a little more effort in, a "B" doesn't look so good....And with missing assignments in tow....GOOD GRIEF!

So comes the time when a spanking or time out will not do the trick. He is 12 years old. A little adult. He thinks like us. He rationalizes like us. He is even scarcastic like us. Stubborn, moody, easily influenced by his peers.... IT has become a preteen monster. How do you tame the monster? You can't. You have to teach IT to be respectful of the rules of the house and to the parents that provide a loving home for IT. Jerrod and I see our not-so-little-guy gaining his independence and stretching out his wings. We want to give him space and we want him to experience being a boy, but we also want to make sure that he has the proper skills to be successful in school and college (if he goes) without us yelling and screaming at him to do his homework.

So today marks the beginning of a fresh start for parents and son. Son will be respectful of parents requests because they are not just mindless requests to make life unbearable. Parents will show thoughtfulness in rewarding son with honest-positive-feedback and some freedoms, if deserved. It's called RESPECT. It's called love. It's called good parenting. It's a new committment to consistency.

So, I go back to where I was in my classroom....I can't be the teacher I am now. If I want my son to change, I need to also. I need to be a good role model for him. I need to put full effort into my work, just as I have asked of him. We will both be greatly rewarded. He will come home at the end of the quarter knowing that every time he cracked open a book to study, he made his parents proud. I will be rewarded with....uh,...not having to work next year. Yeah, but that's another lesson for another day.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

It's been raining....in southern California. I was recently in Oregon for a family visit and it rained (very typical winter weather), but then I returned home to tornado warnings and thunder storms. Good Grief! As much as I love a little drip drop, I do miss my sunshine. I don't force my kids to play outside enough, but with this rain, I wish sometimes I could push them outside so they would give ME a break. I am sure that they would enjoy nature's teardrops.

We've watched a lot of t.v. and we've promptly done our homework. We've even managed to keep our house cleaner than usual because I keep yelling at them to clean their rooms. (What else is there to do with soccer practice cancelled and streets too deep to ride over to friends' homes?)

Jerrod called yesterday to notify me of the tornado warning. He told me to get under a doorway if something happens, but I am unclear if he just got his natural disasters mixed-up or if he's really praying that I'd end up like the Wicked Witch of the East. (She was the one with the striped socks and the original wearer of the ruby slippers, right?)

So, I wake up in the morning to the pitter-patter of rain and thank God for rainy day schedule that allows me to leave work 10 minutes early. I thank God for the work that we did on the house 2 years back that now allows us to view our "lake" (seriously, the back yard reminds me of Poltergeist, the movie) from inside our home instead of from the middle of it. I thank God for a husband who worked tiredlessly this last weekend while I "vacationed" (any trip without kids is considered a vacation) to plug up holes and water-proof the attic and garage. We may get cabin fever, but come on, we live in southern CA. The sun will eventually come out. Silver Lining: We live close enough to Target that we really could kayak over for emergency tp or soy milk.

Money Issues...Life Issues

With the passing of Christmas, came the gifting of money. Cash was abound in the kids wallets, in my wallet, in envelopes, on the floor, in pockets...... As a ritual, we, meaning the kids, go to the bank and deposit some of their booty into their savings accounts. It was a practice of my parents and I thought that it was worth the effort to continue it with my own kids. We haven't made it to the bank yet which leaves us with many problems. First: It is MAD MONEY burning holes in our wallets (not mine anymore. I spent my wad of cash) and the kids want to spend it left-and-right on nonsense like party ballons to make balloon animals with, games to rot their minds, skinny jeans, or even an occasional hamburger from Carl's Jr. Second: I am tempted more and more to just "borrow" from the kids instead of going all the way to the bank to take out my own (ok, Jerrod's hard earned cash). Third: These boys are not the most responsible with their "important" items. We've lost a wallet with $40 in it only to find it a year later.

They ask me what we are saving "our" money for when we go to the bank and I always reply, "It's for college." A few hundred bucks isn't gonna get them very far college-wise, but maybe they could buy books for a semester. But then I get questions like, "Well, what if I don't go to college?" or "Why do you get to tell us how to use our money when it's ours?" I guess I am hopeful in my thinking that I am teaching them a valuable lesson in money.

I was surprised to hear yesterday, through the garage door, my oldest chatting with his friend about the money he had in the bank. I was obviously a mean witch for not letting him touch it and then I found out that he may not go to college. "Yeah...I might not even go to college so then what happens to my money?" I have never told my kids that college is a priority, but I sure hope that he knows that he must continue his education somewhere...at least if he wants to touch the money. A trade school or a junior college....something that will give him opportunities to be successful beyond high school.

So it is clear to me that I don't have a money issue, I have a life issue. These kids are growing up so fast and it's already time to talk to them about goals for their futures as adults. Not only money, but education, occupations, what kind of person they want to grow up to be. What they do at school, church, at their friend's homes, in my home...they all matter so much more now. It's time for me to step up my game.