Lifesavers

I'm not thinking of the fruity-flavored roll of candies to which I would pick through and snatch only the cherry and pineapple. I'm thinking of those people/places/things that have really made getting through the day so much easier.

This morning was a blur. Busy, busy! But I finally got a chance to check my e-mail and in my box were 2 very meaningful and emotion-filled messages. One, pages long, but I still "breathed" in every word as I teared up staring at my computer screen. A college friend and his wife (to whom I had the pleasure of living with during my freshman year) are expecting their first baby any day now. Their daughter has a life-threatening heart condition, but their faith remains so solid. The other e-mail came from a dear friend that just lost her grandfather. The message was 4 words long, but still enough to make the tears in my eyes wet the keyboard.

I'd like to say that I "count my blessings" but at that moment, I felt the need to meditate and remember the "lifesavers" in my life. Here is my list that I've been working on, in no particular order (Just to add so I don't offend anyone else, this is NOT my list of most important things in my life, this is my list of what gets me through the day).

Lifesaver 1: My husband. The kiss that he plants on my lips every morning before he leaves for work is a reminder of just how much he loves me no matter what. He is my biggest fan and my best friend. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I just wish that he'd read my blog more often.

Lifesaver 2: My boys. Sure, they demand that I get out of my bed and feed them and they depend on my driving skills to get them to practice and Bible study. They are the truest reflection of me. In their actions, I can see my faults but also my successes as a parent. They are forgiving. They call me mom and that is the greatest job title that I've ever had.

Lifesaver 3: My running partners: At this point, the list is very small, but I am so greatful for the words of encouragement or the belly laugh that I get while exercising with my 2 buddies. I've become a much stronger person and have been able to get through a couple of tough situations with the support and compassion of these women.

Lifesaver 4: My parents, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law. Family is important, but it is so important to me to have people that I love within arm's reach, and not just for the babysitting. I can ALWAYS count on them for physical back-up (A broken-down car, an emergency with the boys, a night of fun, dinner that I don't have to cook....). Thank you!

Lifesaver 5: Funny as it seems to put here, but my middle son's teacher. At a time when I felt so down about the teaching profession, this woman had to inspire me and almost make me want to go back to teaching in public school....but no. I've seen so many wonderful things happen this year in my son's life and I owe much of that to his teacher. All-in-all, he is learning so many important skills dealing with work ethic, manners and politeness, setting goals,... It makes my job much easier. Yes, there really are teachers out there that care! Bravo Miss McLovin (he-he)!

Lifesaver 6: My treadmill. When I can't get out to burn off some steam, I do it on my stationary track. I put those earbuds in and I ignore the whimpering in the background and I just run. I've actually been working towards increasing my speed and at the push of a button, I can do that. I feel accomplished and sweaty at the end of a good 8 mile run. I feel empowered and ready for a nap at the same time. But I always shower first.

Lifesaver 7: Those friends and family members that share their journeys through life with me. The e-mails that I received really set my emotions going and I thank the authors for that. Friends that meet me for lunch/dinner, send me texts while I am working, call from their homes far away to check up on me, attend church with me, sit with me all afternoon on the soccer field...you know who you all are. Thank you to those friends that do feel comfortable enough to chat about life with me. You are the people that help me to build my integrity and help me to stay honest. I pray that I can be a beacon of light to you too and help you when you need a shoulder or a laugh.

Lifesaver 8: God. No explanation necessary.

Lifesaver 9: My home. It's very materialistic, but I am so happy at the end of a day to have a safe place to sleep at night. I like knowing that my boys know their way around town based upon the starting or ending point of our house. We add "beauty" to it by remodeling, but no matter how we decorate, it will always be the central meeting place. It will always be the place where we sit down together as a family and have dinner.

Lifesaver 10: Midol. I am dead serious.

Manwich

Last night Cayden made a comment to me. He told me that I should go out more often so he could have Manwich and tater tots. Oh, wouldn't I just love to cook up a batch of "man" food (sloppy-joes, chili dogs...pretty much anything that comes from a can and has a red-face-staining color to it) and just leave a few sporks on the table and head out the door with my keys.

I would love to say that I've worked so very hard on making sure that my children get the proper nutrition that they need to stay healthy, but last night, it was my mental health that needed to be restored. As a result, the kids and hubby dined on an increased amount of saturated fat and enjoyed every bit of it (...and the can says that you get 2 servings of vegetables).

What is it about "man food"? I just don't get it, but maybe that is because I am a woman. Even if it is an easy meal, I just don't think that I could sit down and genuinely pray to God and "thank" him for this meal that has been prepared. Wow! That is pretty selfish of me....to not be thankful to God for Manwich. Next time I am complaining of my state of starvation, I am sure that He will send down the Manwich until it comes out of my nasal passages. Lesson learned. Amen.

So Long to Nap Time

I love naps. I love to take them. I loved to put my boys down for them. It was like my small piece of heaven wrapped up in a day full of chaos. When I took/take them, I wouldn't have to worry about the craziness around me which often consisted of some form of fighting or loud electronic entertainment. It's become white noise to me now. I can nap through it all. When I'd put the boys down, it was a few hours of peace and freedom to do mindless, non-thinking activities like watch t.v. or play on the internet. Maybe even catch a nap of my own. My youngest, Rylan, has so sadly outgrown his naps. For 4-and-almost-one-half years he took them and hardly ever put up a fuss. He still needs them (so I tell myself), but he's become too difficult to convince. He's seen through all of my hidden agendas. We tried "meditation" and we tried resting-with-our-eyes-closed-but-not-sleeping We've even tried sit-on-the-bed-and-read-until-I-say-you-can-come-out-and-hopefully-you-will-pass-out-first. They've all worked once, but he's one smart, stubborn cookie.

So comes the end of an era of raising children who nap. It's a benchmark in any parents' lives. Now I must entertain my child for 2-3 more hours of the day. Now I must find my "me" time somewhere else....to which there is no other place that it will fit unless I stay up longer, but that is a BAD idea. You see these bags under my eyes already?????

I actually caught myself reminiscing about the glorious napping days of all of my boys. They were always such "good" nappers. Bryson loved to nap all day and then he'd be up all night. Once we fixed that, he would nap every day after lunch until he started school. Cayden was like clockwork. From the time he was a baby, his mission in life was to play hard, eat, and sleep. I could time his naps on a watch and it would be like deja vu every day. He was the most consistent of all. He still needs that extra sleep, but because he's in 4th grade, I think a nap would be frowned upon by his peers. He just goes to bed much earlier than....any other kid that I know.

Now my "baby" is preparing to enter kindergarten this coming fall. His eyes still roll to the back of his head and his lids get heavy as he answers "NO!" when I ask him if he's tired after his morning at preschool. He still stares into space as I snap and clap in his face and ask him if he needs a nap. Once he enters the house and I say the magic words, "Go potty and take your shoes off", he just looses it. I consider myself to be a pretty consistent mom, but I've weighed the options of fighting the stubborness and holding him down on his bed until he's done kicking and screaming at me or just letting him have some "quiet time" and then putting him to bed earlier. It seems that the less agressive turns out to be the least stressful. I have less time to do my "work" but I do get time that is quiet and I get a happy boy.

I, too, have made some improvements on my napping routine. I have been taking fewer naps during my days and I miraculously get more acomplished aound the house and I have more time to do my running. On most days I get 6-8 miles in. Yay! I'm not going to say that I am in a better mood, or that I don't snore now at night, because I've been told that I have been more consistent with my log sawing.

But unlike most of my blogs, I will end on a positive and uplifting note. I will consider myself a good mother for getting my boys through their preschool days well-rested. I'd even go as far as saying that I've gotten my boys to "enjoy" napping beyond the age of an average child-napper. That happened to be one of two great goals of mine as far as longevity. The other was breastfeeding...and would it be too much to tell you that my 4-and-almost-one-half-year-old son still asks me questions like "Member yesterday when I use to eat from your boobies?" (He's still working on time lapse, obviously....)

Is 33 old?

I'm down to my final month of being 32. As I approach my "mid-thirties", I have been giving age a lot of thought. (Yes, I think a lot, and I think a lot about nonsense, but it's better than not thinking and just watching MTV...which I do sometimes too.) I think that I've gumbled through every birthday that I have had since I was 19. I guess it was just because I felt that is what most women do. Today I thought about the positive things about being ONLY 33. Here's my list:
1. I still look like I'm in my 20's. Some may even argue that I'm still in my teens. Yay!
2. I am Asian, therefore I have great age-defying skin. Yay!
3. I have a great son that will pick my white and grey hair for me.(Wierd, I know, but he does this so with much enthusiasm- It's like those chimps on the Discovery Channel) Yay!
4. I am still under the age limit of having a mamogram or a colonoscopy. Yay!
5. I don't get heartburn on a daily basis, unless I SHOVE my McMeal into my McFace. :(
6. I am the youngest lady in my Bunco group...unless someone is holding out their true age.
7. My husband still thinks that I'm "HOT!" (It's true, he said so just the other day)
8. I am young enough to know who Lady Gaga is. Yay!
9. I shop at Forever 21 and I don't think that anyone would think that I was out of place. Yay!
10. I have every right to act immature because I don't look like a grown-up yet. Yay!

So, lots of good reasons to enjoy being 33. For now, I don't mind getting older. I know that I will always be younger than my parents. Come on birthday, BRING IT ON!

The Pocket Knife Incident

How do you raise a boy in this overprotective and overly-cautious society? I often feel like I am doing a poor job. My sons were gifted pocket knives for Christmas. They are 12 and 9. They were appropriate gifts, but in the back of my mind, I had thoughts of "What if they accidently take it to school?" or "What if they accidently cut themselves, someone else, or something?" They're boys! They should do boy stuff. They should be carving wood and sharpening twigs.

And then it happens: A knife is accidently taken to school. The good thing is that my son took it immediately to the teacher. He wasn't suspended. So I become more cautious about the whereabouts of the knives, but when he asks a week later if he can open up a box of Capri Suns, I don't think to check on how he will open it. I just assume that he'll use his hands, like most humans, and rip the box open. Instead, I walk into the kitchen to see a wounded/stabbed juice pouch on the floor lying in a puddle of its own fluids. As I put the rest of the pouches away, I realize that 5 more tragedies have occurred...and I cannot find the pocket knife. I guess I WASN'T watching so closely. Oops!

So do I take the knives away? No. My boys have every right to learn how to use them properly as well as learn when it is appropriate to use them. I take comfort in the fact that we did talk to them when they got the knives about what to do if they accidently took them to school. We discussed with them what was appropriate/inappropriate: EX. using the pen to write, EX. not knife fighting (because I HAVE seen them do that when they were younger when "someone" thought that they were ready for BIG pocket knives....WRONG!)

I found the knife in the afternoon after the Capri Sun Massacre atop one of the other boxes. He told me that he put it down so he wouldn't forget to leave it at home. I realize now that I have been a good parent. We have thought ahead about the possibilities and have made our kids aware of what could happen and what they should do. I certainly counted my blessings on that pocket-knife-afternoon when I picked my son up from school.

So what lessons do I teach my sons about airguns, garden lizards, inappropriate web searching, basic daily hygiene, motivation to do well at school, proper eating habits, foul language, exercise, too much tv?...the list is infinite. The best parents are always thinking ahead so they are never caught off guard. I know that I've been caught off guard a few times and I feel like a terrible mother, but maybe that makes me a good mom because I beat myself up for my parental mistakes and look for ways to keep incidents (such as the renegade pocket-knife-incident) from occuring again.

Life

Do I have one? What does it mean to have a life? I have life. I live. It seems though, these days go by as a flash and I can't remember what happened. Did I enjoy yesterday? I don't know. I don't remember. I guess that means that I didn't dislike it, but it wasn't superior. The one thing that I do remember from every day of my life is that I go to bed exausted, and I wake up the following day in a blur because I am so dang tired.
In order to determine if I have a "life" I decided to log a typical day in my blog.

March 18, 2010
7:00 AM Alarm goes off (Uuuugh...It's the Bible CD set to John. Wierd! So I lay there hoping for inspiration from the Holy Spirit)
7:15 AM Wake up. Tired. Moody.
8:00 AM Get the kids to school
8:15 AM Clean dishes and "work" on the computer (Facebook, e-mail, surf the web.....very important and maybe the highlight of my day)
9:00 AM leave for work
9:20-9:45 AM Sit and stare at my desk
9:45-12:10 Work (try to teach a 6th grader the purpose of slope....my God!)
12:30-12:50PM Start a load of laundry, clear off the table
12:50 PM Pick up Cayden
1:00-1:30 PM Stand at Carl's Jr. waiting....waiting....waiting for chicken stars to feed my boys before a birthday party
1:30-3:30 PM Hang out at the bowling alley and secretly stress out because my son hasn't completed a huge book report that is due tomorrow.
4:00 PM Realize that I haven't had breakfast yet
4:00-8:00 PM help son complete a book report that needs to be completely redone. Get frustrated because he completed it days ago, but hubby and I never looked it over to make sure it was print-ready.
6:45 PM Drive oldest son to Bible study
7:00 PM More laundry
8:00 PM Drive to dad's house to print the book report. (We haven't had a working printer in 2 years.)
9:00 PM settle down and watch 2 episodes of CSI on the dvr with hubby instead of going to sleep
11:00ish PM Bed, Finally!

Somewhere in there Jerrod realized that I wasn't going to make dinner so he put together a pork chop dinner and met with the tile guy.

And the party wasn't typical, so if I were to substitute soccer practice in there instead, it would be a usual day. Oh yeah, and I usually cook a meal for dinner.

So, I know that that's a cake day for most parents. What's my problem? I think that I have actually come to the conclusion that I need purpose in my life. I need motivation to spice up my life. I need goals. Today I am making my goal to get through my average day AND watch CSI at it's normal air-time. I think I can do it, and it will make me happy.

This is what I call life.....and I remember now that there isn't a CSI on Friday. I've disappointed myself once again.

Consistency Sucks!

It's the key to discipline, I know....but sometimes it feels like I am the one receiving the punishment. 2 weeks ago when the decision was made regarding our oldest son's restrictions, I cringed in a major way. I was so proud of my husband for being stern and strong. I was even a little scared myself from the tone of his voice. So when he turned to me and said (asked), "You can make sure that he comes home right away and does his homework. No tv, games, friends, fun....." Well, there goes MY freedom. I can't use the tv as a babysitter or send him outside to play with the neighbor or even his brother. I have to make sure that my son is miserable.

OK. It's been easier than I thought. I believe that it's the teenage mentality, anyways. He's finally done better on his school work and is using his imagination more (to which he once claimed that he didn't have). We've found drips of paint on his carpet and all kinds of wierd concoctions in bowls left on the counter.

It did get worse though. The week before, he and his brother were left in the house as I went to run an errand with the little guy. I specifically told them NOT to play games and then as I slipped into my heaven (bed) that evening (ok, afternoon for my nap...it was suppose to be a short cat nap), I found a stylus (that pen-like thing for their hand-held games). I could no longer leave them alone because I couldn't trust them to obey what I asked of them. I take 3 boys with me everywhere now. It's not that I LOVE to go shopping with 3 boys who all want/don't want something to put into the shopping cart. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the grumbling that comes when I say, "Trader Joes!!!!!!"

This afternoon was THE BEST! I picked each kid up on my way to the doctor a half an hour away. The first complained that it would be "so boring" and the second was just whining about a hurt toe or something (self-inflicted bike injury caused by trying to stop the wheel with one's toe....duh!) The 3rd, well, he was great. He fell asleep with his head dangling to one side like he was going to choke himself and drool dripping down the side of his cheek. As if things couldn't get any more complicated, the doctor's office greeted my children with lemon water and cookies. That wouldn't be so bad, but one son can't eat butter cookies due to allergies so I hesitated, but the other 2 gave me those "I'm soooo hungry eyes and if you don't let me have just ONE cookie, I am going to complain until you say the words I know you REALLY want to say." We settled on a cookie each and the other had a piece of candy from their lovely cavity jar. The water was another mistake because the little guy took his cup and happily skipped to the beautiful, maroon, suede chair and even more happily, spilled the water into the back crease of the cushion. Now as I cleaned that up there was the issue with the bathroom, but if I keep going, you are going to think that I am incompetent and cannot control 3 boys at once. Well, it's the truth, but I've seen worse.....almost every day!

What a day! It's just not what I've gotten use to in the last year. My trips to the grocery store or the doctor's have become a mini vacation and in one month I've been reminded that in the world of parenting, there is no such thing as vacation. BooHoo!