My Baby is No Longer a Baby

So it's lil' Rylan's b-day today. He's 4 BIG years old. He and I went shopping for cupcakes for his class and cake mix for his special cake this evening. He has been my closest friend the last almost-5 years. We do everything together and I love it. Not that I didn't ever want my other boys, but Rylan came to us when I needed him to fill my emptiness. After the miscarriage, I wanted nothing more than to be pregnant and 5 months later, he was an answer to prayer. He still fills my emptiness...like when it's too quiet in the house, you can count on him to sing a cute song (opera style is his genre at this moment) or make noise. When I want to nap and be lazy, he requires me to get up from my sloth-like state to fulfill his basic needs of food and butt wiping. He gives me kisses, says that he loves me, and tells me that I am beautiful when Jerrod's not there to do his husbandly job.

As every parent knows, each child has their own personality. It is amazing to see the differences of all three of my boys and know that they are still from the same gene pool. Aside from just how much they look like each other, they are soo very different. What a challenge that God has put in our hands to raise these children into God-fearing, life-embracing, respectful men. There is no greater honor than to be a mother to these boys and to wake up each morning knowing that they have great respect for our job as parents. Jerrod and I see it in the way they respond to discipline: one of the many forms that our love comes in...and they get that.

We are far from perfect parents. We were never called to be "perfect". Our boys are not "perfect" and that is what makes them so perfect in my eyes. They are perfectly loved and they love me perfectly.

Boy do I get emotional on birthdays.

Simple Things

It was a simple day. What I mean by that is that is that it was, well, boring on most accounts, but lovely in my book. A school holiday for Bryson and Cayden. I set the alarm for 8 AM, just in case life didn't wake me up any earlier: Simple. Bryson spent the night at a friend's so he wasn't even under my control until after lunch: Simple. Cayden went to work with Rylan and me. He colored and read at a desk in the back: Simple. Jerrod greeted us at home with his feather duster and apron....not really, but he had cleaned up the mess that I neglected to touch in the morning before leaving. He makes my job, honestly, simple. The boys played soccer in the front yard while I hand sewed Christmas gifts: Simple. No one in the soccer carpool but Cayden so I drove him alone: Simple. Arrived home to a warm family dinner: Simple. And now I wait for that simple homemade granola to finish baking in the oven as I listen to the new John Mayer album, not so simple, but calming. I'll take it. For all those days that are not so simple.....354 of them a year, I am so grateful for these 24 hours of simplicity.

Voodoo

I made that trip to the chiropractor/nutritionalist yesterday and I am not sure if it's a Pygmalion effect, but I am feeling pretty darn swell at this point. I, according to this DC, was out of allignment and I also have allergies to egg and white bleached flour. Western medicine has not been so successful for me so a little Chinese creativity is worth dipping into, especially if it gets rid of my migraines. It was so nice to wake up this morning without haze around my head. It was great to take on work and 3 boys without being slammed by pain in the mid-afternoon. I felt happy. I felt productive. I felt like taking my boys to Trader Joe's to get food to fill our fridge. I even felt like washing my car. I am a new me and I really look forward to waking up tomorrow and doing it all again.

Some of the advice that I got yesterday included: Eat organic, eat more vegetables, don't use your cell phone, stay away from the Halloween candy, brown rice is your friend (yes, and my aunt says that it will make you poop....A LOT), wild fish vs. farmed is better for you,.... All of the things that I already knew, but you know, I wasn't resisting change this time. It wasn't enough that I knew that baked goods and bread were not the way to go when losing weight. It took a person of this profession to get me to make a change in my lifestyle. I guess that if I knew that I was allergic to white flour before, I would have avoided it. I had this crazy thought...yeah a crazy one, this lady is taking on the great feat of decreasing American obesity one person at a time. I imagine her in her kitchen AKA "laboratory" haunched over, rubbing her hands together, cracking a crooked smile, and cackling over her brew of natural supplements.

So, the moral of this story is: A pain-free mom is a better mom and Trader Joe's is your best bet for great organic, white flour-free goodies! (Way to go Savory Thin Mini Edamame Crackers!) We thoroughly enjoyed the brown rice spaghetti this evening. Even with the side salad of organic baby spinach and wild salmon.

Migraines

What is the point of migraines? I believe that it is for the makers of Excedrine to make millions of dollars off of suffering people like me. Hello: It's 6:49 AM and I am recovering from a nasty migraine that hit me this morning and, although the pain is gone, the caffeine is just starting to kick in. I think at this point, my poor husband can check the "single-dad" box on his next survey because he has taken care of these boys while I lay in bed debilitated and totally useless. I have had many thoughts this week about how a power drill can alleviate the pressure in my head (You saw that Grey's Anatomy too, huh?) or just a sledge hammer, really.
I'd like to thank my parents for my ongoing headaches. Thank you, thank you for the poor vision that has left me with eyeballs that are 2 times the size of a normal human's...maybe putting increased pressure on my brain (only a thought-doctor says that isn't the case, but how can it not be?). Thank you for passing on the genetic disposition for migraines triggered by, uh, just about everything I come into contact with (waking up, sunlight, moonlight, smelly candles, work, noise, exercise, driving...).
I am positive though. These last few days have given me the motivation to seek the added attention of a doctor, again, and even further if I don't get answers. I can't live like this. No parent should live with migraines not brought on by their own children. That is a different kind of migraine that I signed up for.

Running the Race

I wish I had a camera to take a picture of what I REALLY looked like when I finally finished my 10 mile race. I know that I was sweating so hard that there were salt trails all over my face and neck. I know also that I had my tongue sticking out and that my legs were moving out of sync with the rest of my body. I don't mind that people were laughing or that my friend, who finished 2+ minutes faster, had time to finish a banana and a bottle of water before cheering me on. I mind that I felt so bad all the way through the race. WHAT HAPPENED? I don't know. Was I sick? Was I insecure about being the last person to finish (which was not the case although I came pretty close to it)? Did I not eat enough to get me through?....which might have been the answer because my tummy was upset with me the whole way through.
I like to make up excuses for performing so poorly, but in this case, I knew that I was going to be one of the last people to finish and I still feel pretty crummy about it. And the worst of it is that I had a horrible migraine afterwards. I was out for the rest of the day tossing and turning in my bed with a towel over my eyes, 4 Excedrine in my system and barfing up everything that I tried to take in.
I've come to believe that my body is trying to tell me something. It is trying to tell me to go see my doctor, even if she'll tell me that it's been ??? years since my last pap smear and that I should have one now. My body is telling me that it's time to stop pushing too hard to be last. Just give in and enjoy being the last person that everyone hopes that they're not. It was a little hurtful when I reached the final water stop and one of the kids said to a friend, "Yeah, these are all the walkers now." I wasn't walking and I wanted to punch him in the face, but I needed to save my energy for my flash finish. The man that I was jockeying with for close-to-last-place didn't realize that I was running up beside him at first, but I noticed his snot rocket on my arm and tried to get ahead of him so he wouldn't do it again. I think when he realized that a short Asian woman was passing him up, he committed himself to passing me for the last time and he was off and running. I couldn't keep up with his speedy 12:00 min/mile pace. The 2 ladies who would run then walk would pass me on occasion and I could hear them from a pretty far distance. One of them was a "clopper". I don't really know how else to explain it except by saying that it sounded like she was running with tap shoes on. I was ready to drop out of the race every time they passed me running or when I passed them while they were walking. I think they ended up being the "walkers" at the end of the race because the last mile was a bit more pleasurable without them and snot-rocket man.
So, what do I have to say for myself? First I have to thank Steph for keeping positive and running her best race. I know that she tried hard to keep me on pace, but I was just dead-set on running at a snail's pace. She was there to cheer me on at the turn and at the finish. I LOVE her for that. Jerrod and I have concluded that the migraines need to stop so no more distance races or long runs until I can figure out what my problem is. I LOVE my husband. I love that he is backing me up on no more running, although he may not like the look of my square butt after 2 weeks of no real exercise. It was an experience, a good one, and a bad one. I must say though, we rode our bikes to the starting line and that was really enjoyable for me. The ride back was just as much fun. Without registering for this race, I would not have had such a great bike ride and I believe that makes my race a biatholon. AWESOME!

Discipline

We all have our special bag of tricks when it comes to disciplining our children. I don't really have a "bag" or "tricks" but I do have a very scary mad face and a scarcastic tone that could make any child cry. I have put those aside though, seeing the error of my ways, and tried some alternative methods to get my boys to do what I tell them to do.
Usually, it isn't bad because I am a mom that does almost everything for my kids. I hand them their daily change of clothes, including the underwear so they remember to change them. I pick up after them and I pick up after them....it's a never-ending task. I remind them every morning to eat something and to brush their teeth. Lightbulb switch: ON! This is why they don't do anything that I tell them to do when I want them to do it. I've been doing it for them. Duh! They complain that they don't know how to fold their clothes or empty the dishwasher. It's because I was too-good-of-a-mom to teach them to do it for themselves.
We are in our transition phase now where the kids still do a lot of "..but I can't..." or "...but I don't know how...". It's become a challenge because of all of the teaching-to that I feel like I am doing, but it is paying off. Bryson can now empty the entire dishwasher without a single complaint, although there is no rhyme-or-reason as to the organization of the tupperware (see above picture). Another lesson for another day. Cayden had a HUGE breakthrough this afternoon after a bunny poop meltdown. He "just couldn't keep the bag open while he scooped the poop into it." Not only did he learn a more efficient way to bag poop, he understood that when he is respectful to his mom by doing what he is asked to do, he is contributing to his family and will reap the rewards and privliges of being a part of it (playing soccer, watching t.v., eating McDonald's, making smoothies...all of the most important things in life).
It was all done without a scream or fist-pump. With just a little crying and a lot of love, we were able to bag that poop up....2 bags-full!

Battle of the Bulk

I do think it a bit funny that we planned for an evening of fun at Costco with the boys. It's been months since our last visit. To lighten the stress, usually it is just one of us and the other stays at home with the boys. If it's Jerrod that goes, he is a precise shopper and comes back with what is on the list, except for that one time when he came home with a camera and a foam surf board...... If I go, who knows what will come home with me. I start with a list, but tend to find other items that I "forgot" to add. If we take the kids, like we did today, it seems like the trip is quick and efficient. We work as a team and cover twice the aisles in half the time. We say things like, "...but do we really need this much?" and the other will answer, "We can just go to the store later." Jerrod keeps me away from the chocolate and we don't even attempt the seasonal, technology, clothing, or entertainment sections for fear that there might be a break-down.
So why don't we always take the boys?
1. the car ride is almost unbearable....the singing, the fighting, the crying,....
2. Like me, they get the "I-Wants". You know... "I want to get..." And we're talking in bulk. I don't really think that it is the best idea to have a 5 lb. bag of cheese ravioli just for Bryson.
3. Today I had to explain to Cayden why it was rude to laugh at me for getting the bulk-sized panty liners. Embarassing! I let him know that there will be a day in his life when he will be going to the store to get them for HIS wife.
4. If Rylan was to drop those eggs, that would be 6 more than if we had bought at Ralphs.
5. The ride home.
We are survivors though. We made it home with tp to last us for the rest of the year, a bag of broccoli that will go half-finished because we just couldn't eat any more if it, and those panty liners that are gonna get me though until menopause.