What is Beautiful?

I have very little time left and I have pretty much failed at my job to teach my boys about the truth of beauty and what is beautiful. I didn't realize that the sands of time had been slipping so quickly! As I navigate my way for the first time through "teen-age love" as a mentoring parent, I see that exposing my boys to "beautiful" should have been started at the very beginning of their lives. So I will give cyberspace my advice and maybe some other parent can enhance their son's life just a little bit more.

 For some kids, it is easy. My youngest loves to explore and spend minutes, hours, days, examining plants and bugs. He has a true love for nature. He loves people and cares passionately for them....everyone! I just need to encourage that love. I need to share with him that the things that he loves...they are beautiful to him. Even if everyone else thinks that they are ugly or gross, they are beautiful. My middle son, his obsession is "the beautiful game". I know, I drive the soccer carpool just like you. I know what my car smells like after a game or after practice....I wash socks and jerseys and the last thing that comes to mind is beauty. But as I sit by my husband, mostly speechless, and in awe of the talent and grace (most of the time) of our son, who is usually flying through the air; there is so much beauty in human movement and the human spirit.

 I come back to my oldest. I see the struggle with my husband. I struggle, myself. This is a flesh-driven world that we live in. It is flesh that is deemed "sexy" and "beautiful". I rot my boys' souls with every negative comment that I make about my own weight or how I hate "this" or "that" about myself. Now that it is that crucial moment in time when my husband and I need to address the "beauty" of human sexuality, I think that I have finally discovered that my view of what is beautiful has been so wrong. Yes, beauty is subjective, and I agree that there are many instances where flesh IS absolutely beautiful. The difficulty is in teaching a young man that "beautiful" is not driven by sexuality but by love.

 There is still hope! As we walked through the gem exhibit on a recent family museum outing, I was relieved to know that there were still a few grains of sand left in my hourglass of hands-on parenting. All 3 of my boys were mesmerized by the brilliant colored stones. We easily spent an hour discussing and looking deeply at "beauty".

 Have the discussions! Share what is beautiful to you! Ask your kids what is beautiful to them! Our world has so much more to offer than flesh. Offer and expose your kids to more than what the world thinks is beautiful! And be kind to yourself :)

The Good Soil

Life here in my household has been calm and peaceful...God has brought me great pleasure in things that grow in my garden and time that I have to craft. For so long, the race was to get through the day and fill it with as many things as possible. God has helped me to see that life will slow down if I just take the time to enjoy it and give thanks to Him for each and every gift in my life.

Today I am thankful for the sun. It allows me to see the growth of my children and the kindness of my husband. I thank God for the loving friends that support me through everything. They know my heart...sometimes better than I do but they continue to help nurture me in my goal of being an honest and righteous person. Today I thanked my God for my chickens. Although very loud at times, they are the most innocent of creatures and have taught me to be patient. Sometimes there is a reason for loud obnoxious noise....not just in the curious cycle of egg-laying, but in life itself.

So the good soil that Jesus (Mark 4:3-8) speaks about is here! It is all around me! I cannot be choked by thorns or weeds...I will not lay my roots in the sand or in the rocky cliffs of life. I will grow seeking much more for my life, just like the plants in my garden. I want to seek the sun (the spiritual light of God) because it is what gives me life.

The joy in my life has been so overwhelming in the last year and it is because God has opened my heart. God has opened my heart to every intentional plan of his. God has shown me that if I do what is righteous and honest, I will receive peace in everything. Even in times of crisis, if I do what is righteous and honest, again, he will bring me peace and no fault will be shown against me.

So with brush and Mod Podge in hand, I made my statement clear: Joy grows here!...ALWAYS!

The Parking Situation

As I write this blog entry, I am sitting in the middle row of my mini-van with a cozy blanket and my mp3 player, listening to Bieber Christmas. Just in case my laptop loses power before school dismisses in an hour, I have packed snacks and a reading book. It’s raining here in Huntington Beach. When it rains, school dismissal is obnoxious. I admit that I am not a strong driver. I do not like making last minute decisions like “Should I drive through that puddle or slam on my brakes and splash the pedestrians on the sidewalk?” I play it safe and arrive early so we (the kiddos of the carpool that I affectionately call “Make Way for Ducklings”) can walk a short distance to my car and I can just hit the slider door button and they can rush in. I don’t like crossing busy streets with that many kids. I only have 2 hands. It looks weird holding onto 2 hoods with one hand and a backpack of another.
Last time it rained, I could have just driven around the neighborhood, gone home, parked in front of my house and then walked to school. It would have been closer than the parking spot that I took. Water rushing on both sides of the street made it difficult to even cross to get onto the sidewalk. I made it to the front of the school but once I got the kids and we made the return trip to the car, it became somewhat of a challenge. We attempted to cross the street, but the kids ended up in water to their shins. The current almost took them away and a stranger, teenager…or just a strange teenager ran over to grab the littlest one and carry her to safety…in the MIDDLE of the street where there was a small pathway of road that was dry. So we walked to the car in the middle of the street. I had them by their backpacks and jackets. The bus was driving slowly behind us.

I am determined not to ever repeat that day again. And so I sit here….2nd car in line to the school ready to grab those kids and make our get-away in dry socks and without assistance from strangers.

On un-rainy days, the parking situation can also be a bit hairy. There are so many cars! There is no parking! I still come early. I don’t mind sitting in my car. I like to craft. It gets me away from my sweat-shop sewing that I’ve been doing lately. I can’t use my machine in the car…but now that I am utilizing the back of the car for blogging, I think that I can possibly set it up in here. OMG! I know where my new craft room is going to be now!!!!!!

Here are a few items that I have made while waiting in my car for the kids:

Cute Halloween ornaments:


Cute peacock ornaments:


A pretty necklace:


I've even cut paper kimonos (and got a bestie to help me) as we sat and waited at soccer practice:

Extreme Couponing????!!!!!!

I know, I know. Those people, generally women, on that Extreme Couponing show are CRAZY! I am amazed at how much they get for a "dollar" as well as how much they can store behind their tv and above their book shelves.

A year ago, we had a little family crisis that threatened our expendable budget. The future was unknown regarding my husband's job and that was the gentle hand that guided our family to more practical spending. Less frequent dinners out. No new clothes. I searched for more budget-friendly bean and rice based meals. I also started to clip coupons.

At first, I was just excited that I was able to remember to use the coupon that I clipped. My excitement led me to stacking coupons, using the manufacturer and store coupons together to get almost double the savings. Now I've stepped it up a notch and I've been watching sales. I've been pleased with what I've been able to find on sale that I can use my coupons with.

Yesterday I went to Vons. Not my favorite place to shop, but they had what I wanted on sale. Not 10 minutes in the store and this is what I came out with for just under $9:
2 boxes of Fruit Gushers, 2 boxes of Nature Valley granola bars, A box of Honey Nut Cherrios, A 2-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper, a bag of Kettle brand potato chips, 4 lb. bag of C&H granulated sugar, and a bottle of 409 kitchen cleaning solution. It was like shopping at the dollar store, but coming out with "better" stuff!!!!!

I have to say. Saving money can be fun and now that I am the official manager of the household, it feels good knowing that I am saving money so we can do MORE fun stuff, like pay our library fines or plop pennies into the fountain at the mall.

Just a small facet of our new lifestyle. I love that we are teaching our kids to use their money wisely. They are by no means, poor starving boys. They still get a good meal and junk food. We still step foot into McDonald's on occasion.....but they know that it will always be with a coupon.

A Little Note About Eggs....and other stuff

The economy is bad. The budget is small. As you may have read in previous posts, our family has been transitioning into self-sufficiency. We have organic produce growing in our garden. We compost. We don't use the tv or internet on Sundays. We force our kids to fly kites and run around at these grassy places called parks. Our sons DON'T have cell phones! (Last week I lectured them all on how to make an emergency collect call from a pay phone-if they can find one) I've been teaching myself to sew...my own clothes. Our greatest joy, lately, has been the lovely eggs that one of our hens has been leaving us just about every day. I call her Fluffy-butt, but in my mind I have named her Mother Clucker (I don't say it out loud anymore because it would be considered a little inappropriate...so my 14-year-old says).




The eggs are brown and smaller than the grade-A extra large Costco beauties, but whatever, they are NOT from Norco and they taste better. The ritual is that we wait for an awful sound coming from the back yard (to which even the bunny is confused by because she always stops, stares at me, and gives me this look that I interpret as, "WHAAAAAATTTTT???!!!!") and then all go running to the coop and lift the nesting box and either go back to the house sad, but with anticipation that she will lay soon, or happy with a little, warm, tan egg in-hand. Those waiting days are pretty pathetic. Usually 3 of us stand looking out through the patio door and 1 of us leaves crusty finger and lip marks all over the glass.

Today was an especially "fun" day because we had our first tragedy. Yes, we were excited! Yes, we ran to the coop. The little guy held the egg so gently all the way to the kitchen, but by some divine inspiration from the egg-laying-god, he decided that jumping up and down would be a suitable activity. So the egg was jostled in his tiny hands until it dropped and cracked on the tile.

Needless to say, he had a scrambled egg for breakfast....and proclaimed, "tastes just like a REAL egg."

The Huxtable Experiment

Problem/Question: Does Huxtable discipline work in "the real world"?

Observation/Research: I have watched many episodes of The Cosby Show and have found similarities between the Huxtable family and my own. I have noted that when there is a dilemma, Claire and Heathcliff resort to routine problem-solving skills.

Formulate a Hypothesis: Maybe, but not always within the 30-minute time frame of an episode. 20 minutes if you count the commercials.

Experiment: Over a short period of time (1 day) I have applied the discipline method of Claire and Heathcliff Huxtable with my own children. Patience, kindness, love, self-control...blah, blah...all the Fruits of the Spirit...then also included a smirk on my face and a bit of silliness such as wide-eyed eye-dancing and talking slowly with solid word-enunciation.

Collect and Analyze Results: The subjects responded well to the discipline. There was less grumbling and arguing. In the case of the teenager, it was not quite as simple to get positive feedback. Even with extra "love" (very scientific), there was some resentment in having to do the dishes twice in one day but they got done. With the 5-year-old, a lack of sleep may have effected the outcome of his response when asked to turn off the X-Box. Although he did turn it off, there was a bit of sulking and a few tears shed...not a normal response for this subject.

Conclusion: Yes, Huxtable discipline can work. It it effective. More research needs to be done when having to discipline 5 children at a time. I only have 3.


So I just used the "Scientific Method" to try to remind myself that there really is a way to discipline my boys through love and patience and I was reminded of this while watching The Cosby Show with my boys. I always "got" the Huxtable family. They were perfect, but in an imperfect way. Take away their professions as a doctor and a lawyer...Take away their fancy brownstone house...and what is left is a normal family, just like my own. I've sewed the ugly shirt, the boys have fought so badly that they should have been locked in the basement like Vanessa and Rudy. The lies that kids tell to cover their butts, the messy rooms, and the funeral for the goldfish....it all really does happen.

I love the Huxtables! I love sharing The Cosby Show with my boys and husband. I love being reminded that the issues of "real life" really do have solutions and that they not always easy to find. I love that there can be evenings when you send all of your kids to bed and you can lay in your own bed with your Honeybee and can have a discussion, turn off the lights, kiss each other "good-night", and then fall asleep in an embrace and with a smile on your face.

Half-Baked

I am sure you have no idea what this blog entry is about. I am sure that it will shock you when you realize that I am writing about my kids. But before you move on to MSN's Wonderwall of celebrity pictures, give my story a shot.

My friend Mari and I took our kids to the beach today. It was beautiful. Our boys played in the surf and sand, as most normal kids do, but then there was "the visitor" that accompanied. Needless to say, there is always DRAMA when Mari and I are together, but this day's DRAMA came from one sole source....."the visitor". A bee sting, a cut on the ankle, and then a few flips and turns in the waves. Mindless sand catapulting from his shovel at our own kids as well as other unsuspecting beach-goers. He was a little immature, but he was having the time of his life. So Mari and I sat there attentive to his every move because it didn't seem like enough assurance that the lifeguard was just 20 feet away. While all the other boys dug in the sand or kicked around the soccer ball, he kept busy making sure that we were watching him brave the waves that crashed on top of him but mostly, swept him off his feet. This boy is almost 9 years old, but had the heart, soul, and smile of a 5-year old.

So the part about being half-baked, I think that many of us moms see our kids and we think, "normal" or "perfect" or sometimes "better". But I will admit that there are so many times in which I thought to MYSELF, "immature", "behind", and "slow". Half-baked doesn't mean to be lacking in brain cells. We don't ever call a half-baked potato mentally deficient. If your chicken roast is half-baked, it just means that it isn't done yet. It hasn't reached its full-cooked maturity. It just needs more time.

So, for all of those times in which I thought to myself that my children seemed a little awkward, maybe less mature than their peers, or even outright annoying, it was mostly because they were just half-baked...and not quite ready for the situation at-hand. I am learning though, because I have had 3 times the opportunities to be a good mom and have failed many, many times. You learn so much more from your failures (and that is why I write a blog filled with my advice of what NOT to do). Expectations are good, but they are so much better when they are realistic. It leads to less half-baked moments. I have also learned that comparison of my kids leads to, well, comparison and that can be hurtful to my kids.

There is nothing more sobering than having a half-baked moment yourself. I have them quite often, which leads me to think that I might be drinking alcohol instead of water, but that can't be because I don't have a job to pay for my Top Ramen, let-alone alcohol. As you may recall, fell under the trash bin and I vaccumed my hair and most recently, I took a tumble down my hallway that led to some kickin' bruises all along my left side. I have had many half-baked moments and have learned from them. When I taught the algebra classes at a middle school, I didn't know algebra. I was half-baked. I was almost there. I taught myself and became a master blackbelt of the quadratic equation. But that didn't mean that I wasn't humbled by some nice questions about how a vertical line couldn't be a function....blah, blah, algebranese.

So please don't think I am insensitive when I call your kid half-baked. I would just be stating that there might be some growing up to. Maybe an observation that the situation may be a bit much for him/her to handle for their age or ability. We all know that kids have growing up to do, right? How else are they going to be perfectly mature adults....

You know what? I think I'll just keep my mouth shut and not say anything...but if you see my eyes rolling to the back of my head, it probably means that someone around me seems a little half-baked.